Two-Tone Terrified

So, I've decided that blind dates are of the devil. Or maybe they are only of the devil when you are set up by someone who doesn’t know you at all. At least that's my experience.

I'm not the kind of girl who goes on blind dates. In fact, I'm not the kind of girl who goes on dates at all. It seems as if I am unlucky in love, and end up getting stalked by the weird and the strange. And yet I decided that a blind date would be a good idea.

Now here, I give my account as accurately as possible...the Blind-Date-Gone-Bad play by play (as requested by Ryan). And in my defense, the nine hours of hell was something I did not know how to get out of. I have learned my lesson...use the safe word. And to protect said blind date, I will refer to him as Satan...the father of nine hour blind dates and freakish theology.

12:00pm - I receive a call on my phone from him, asking where he could pick me up and stating that he will call back to let me know when he's coming...I decide to shower.

12:30pm - Satan's voice comes over the intercom...he didn't call back, and now he's in the building and I'm still sopping wet!!!! I start yelling obsenities from the bathroom, and Kyle starts laughing hysterically from the living room.

12:35pm - Lucifer enters the apartment, while I frantically try to make myself somewhat presentable...attempt failing. But as I come out to meet my 'date' I realise that there is no need to stress, for he is wearing two slightly different shades of blue and a pair of Birkenstocks. He hasn't really tried.

12:40pm - We leave the safety and comfort of Kyle's apartment and enter his basement hovel to pick up a blanket and the latest edition of Bible Trivia (really?), then head to the park. On the way he makes sure to get a GIANT Big Gulp with two straws so we can share (how romantic).

1:00pm - I chide him for arguing with everything I say. He promptly ignores that I've said anything at all.

1:30pm - He starts talking about salvation and eternal judgment...I quit speaking.

2:00pm - He' still talking...I'm contemplating cutting off my fingers and poking my own eyes out.

3:00pm - Still talking...I see two men playing frisbee, and I'm shocked at how short one of the men's shorts really are. They are really short! I also wonder if they are gay because they are kind of skipping around the park as they throw the frisbee back and forth. Do they see us? Do I look as bored as I feel? I kind of want to get up and play with them. They are having way more fun than I am. I'm no good at frisbee though...so I wonder if they would be annoyed at me if I played with them.

4:00pm - I think he's still talking...I've lost my soul at this point so I'm numb to the world and to my surroundings. I might have even begun drooling. Does he not see that I HATE this one sided conversation and that he's not convincing me of anything?

4:30pm - We play frisbee...maybe he did get that I wasn't into what he was talking about. This is the happiest I've been all day (other than when I woke up and Kyle had made me coffee and muffins...rhubarb and white chocolate). Satan is far, far away from me and he's not talking about things that I can't agree with at all. I don't even care that I'm throwing the dumb disc all over the park and that I've begun sweating like a man...my soul is slowly returning through the repetitive motion of catching and throwing...just so long as he doesn't speak...

6:00pm - I get stung by a wasp...I fall to the ground and roll around feeling sorry for myself not only for getting stung, but for being on this dumb date at all. He stands there watching...I don't think he has any Scriptures for this situation. We head for a restaurant.

6:10pm - Satan complains about how expensive everything is and makes me feel like crap for getting anything at all. My hand is starting to get swollen and red. It still really hurts.

6:30pm - He starts talking again. I've had it and so I argue with him. He doesn't listen and makes it seem like I don't know what I'm talking about at all.

7:00pm - He states that he thinks it's a sin that a younger man marries an older woman because Adam was created before Eve. My hand continues to swell from the wasp sting.

7:30pm - I get extremely mad and tell him that he doesn't listen to me, and that I think he thinks that I'm unintelligent, and have nothing valuable to add to the conversation, and that he totally and completely invalidates me. I continue to tell him that I have also studied the Bible and have taken a lot of time and care to know and understand the things within it, and that he makes it seem like I know absolutely nothing at all. He apologizes.

9:00pm - He drives me back to Kyle's and tells me that he had a great time and that it was really fun hanging out with me. I absent-mindedly nod, then run upstairs.

That was about it. I understand that I have left out a number of the details and have condensed 9 of the worst hours of my life into a few vague sentences, but to be honest, I don't really remember much. I have blanked them from my memory. All I really remember are his two-tone blue clothes and his constantly moving mouth. Thank the Lord for normal men.

And about the wasp sting...my hand swelled to unnatural sizes and I lost my knuckles and finger tendons in the fat of my allergy. I blame the blind date.

Alberta...notoriously cold

I saw that a number of people had written about the weather on their blogs, and so I feel obliged to say something about it as well. First of all, I had the most wonderful time on holiday with some of the absolutely best weather. We left Christina Lake where we had met up with some friends and spent some time on a boat (or behind a boat), and then shortly after our arrival began our long journey home. It was as if as soon as we crossed the BC border into Alberta we also crossed into cold and desparaging country. I wish I had a photo. We entered the world of fog. We thought that it was smoke, but as we stuck our heads out the window to do the "scent test" we quickly found out that there was no scent to this alleged smoke. Rather it was cold and wet. FOG!

The further and further we went into Alberta, the colder and wetter it got. There was a highlight to coming home though...we are darker than every person here. Seriously, it was as if we went somewhere tropical in the middle of winter and we came back with the beautiful tans while everyone who stayed behind only got burned from the light reflecting off the snow. By the sounds of it though, that's not too far off from the truth of this summer.

Now, on a totally unrelated topic...what the heck is up with all the spam I'm getting on my comments? I got a really long one today about logging or something. I hate it! If it doesn't stop I might just have to remove the priviledge of commenting altogether!!!

On Holiday

So Carmen and I are on holiday in Vernon, BC right now. Why are we in Vernon right now? I don't really know. We just drove west and ended up here. We got judged harshly by some "richies", and then made our way to a campground where we found ourselves surrounded by pot smoking, f-bomb dropping boys. Boys who like to talk to girls. We don't like talking to boys. It's quite funny. I don't think I've ever been asked out for a beer more than I have this weekend. Carmen and I just look at each other and give this uncomfortable, knowing look and then answer, "No, we're alright".
I think we are going to go to the beach right now. Can't wait...

My Mexican Friends

I love travelling and meeting new people. It's amazing to me how one is able to connect with someone of another culture, who speaks an entirely different language, and still be able to feel like they know them and love them dearly. I would call the Mexicans that were on my team my good friends. They really are. They honestly felt like family...like home. So, this is in tribute to them...mi armanas/armanos.

Fumbling in a Cloud

Man, it's been a long time since I've blogged. Thank the good Lord you don't forget how to type in two weeks, although my fingers aren't finding the keys as rapidly as they once used to. Or should I say as "rapido" as they used to. That was a little Espanol for all you folks out there.

It's always strange coming back from these trips. I go away and am surrounded by incredible people for a period of time, and I have to work to find time for myself...but whenever I really want to connect with someone and have a great conversation I just have to walk into a room or down a dirt path, or sit by the bathrooms and conversation will be had. If I'm down people notice and they care, and if I'm up people are there to share in my happiness. But coming home...hmmm...it's lonely. I've been sitting my parent's house completely alone all day, and instead of feeling relieved/content all I feel is lonliness.

Anyway, the trip was amazing!!! God really did some awesome things not only in the kids' lives, or my life, but in the lives of the Mexicans we connected with. Our Linden team split into two groups and in my group we had 5 Mexicans join our team. 5 of the most hilarious and brilliant people. I miss them dearly. They didn't speak English and we didn't speak Spanish, but within 5 minutes of us being together the mockery of me began. I really think that was what brought unity on the team...my name changed to Jessico (please notice the Masculine ending on my name), and they proceeded to give many adjectives that would describe the new being I had become while in their nation. Gordo (fat), fallo (ugly), peluca (wears a wig), peluda (is hairy), hombre (am a man), I have a moustache, drive an ice cream truck, and own the ugliest car in the world. I think cannibal was in there somewhere as well.

I can't believe the amount of things that we did for the short span of time that we were there...we helped build a room for a drug rehab center...a room that's sole purpose is to teach the rehabilitated a trade so that they have jobs. That's awesome! We also had a Mexico vs. Canada football match. I don't know that I really want to call it a match as much as a masacre. We got slaughtered, and they were generous by allowing a bunch of Mexicans to play on our team. Any of the goals that were scored by team Canada were not scored by any of us. Every evening we did a huge service where we would play music, the kids would share their testimonies and do dramas, and someone might even preach. My team did incredibly well! I know how uncomfortable it is for most people to get up in front of a crowd and speak, and these guys did it everyday!

I made a brilliant language mistake while talking to the pastor one day. I had heard that their winters could be cold and could get snow, so I asked him, "In Mexico, infuerno mucho frillo?" He gives me a blank look, and responds, "No...mucho mucho caliente".
I then go on to say, "Well, in Canada infuerno mucho frillo". All of a sudden a light came on in his head and he began to laugh loudly and heartily. It turns out that the word for winter is "inbuerno", and the word that I was saying actually means "hell". So I was asking him if hell was really cold in Mexico, and then proceeded to tell him that hell is really cold in Canada. Well done Jessico, well done.

Perhaps it's a good thing that I'm alone today so that I have time to process everything, and think through all the stuff that happened while in Mexico. I don't really know what I need right now...maybe just someone to sit in a room with me and not say a word. I do know that I've been sleep deprived in the last few weeks, so perhaps a good, long nap won't hurt...